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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837922">motherfuck didnt you wanna smash??</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheeryPsycho/pseuds/cheeryPsycho'>cheeryPsycho</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorologiumParadox/pseuds/HorologiumParadox'>HorologiumParadox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Teenage Dream [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>18yo high schoolers, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, BFFs, Comfort, First Time, Just a sweet funny thing with some porn for spice, M/M, PWP, Roleplay Logs, Twin Striders, chatlog format, fluffy sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:55:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837922</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheeryPsycho/pseuds/cheeryPsycho, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorologiumParadox/pseuds/HorologiumParadox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert, age 18, meets Dirk, his BFF's twin for the first time. Things Happen™. For John, also for the first time. Ever.</p><p>...but not everything he would have wanted to happen.</p><p>Dave's there to help his dejected, puppy-eyed, twinky little virgin friend, ofc. With his dick. It's in the brocode or something.</p><p> <br/>John Egbert written by cheeryPsycho (Mar)<br/>Dave Strider written by HorologiumParadox (Max)</p><p>&lt;3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Egbert/Dave Strider, background John/Dirk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Teenage Dream [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>motherfuck didnt you wanna smash??</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a side piece, change of POV one-shot for an RP in progress, in the Homestuck RP discord server (channel #manatee)</p><p>https://discord.gg/Zmq9B9R (invite, if you wish to join? lots of talent going on! :D rpers and readers equally welcome)</p><p>The main RP will eventually, likely be posted full here on ao3, as we usually do, so I'm adding it to its own AU series, Teenage Dream. Suscribe to it, if you want access to the full piece when we start posting chapters! </p><p>And enjoy! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: so did you guys smash or what</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: …</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *pouts*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: what</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: seriously??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: no luck with the ladies no luck with the dudes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: do you want me to find you a life sized plastic doll or something bro</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: speaking of which i had no idea you were even into dudes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: although tbh i shouldve seen it comin</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i mean once you get going you cannot shut the fuck up about nic cage</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: and you were staring a lil too intensely at stallones guns yesterday</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: pretty sure i saw some drool in the corner of your fish mouth</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: my what??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: that thing you do with your mouth when youre really impressed with something</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: and i think you kinda forget youre physically inhabiting a vessel on earth</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: and you just gape like an absolute tool</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: its kinda cute actually</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: what you just stare at me watching movies?? :B</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: specifically at my mou-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *coughs nervously*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: besides, cage and stallone are just perfect examples of idealized masculinity ok?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: don't be gross.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: it's not my fault i get caught up looking at the supreme expression of manly lips or arms or- yeah i'm pretty gay i think.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: haha gay</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah that's what i said, idiot.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: shit this has no insulting effect if youre not a bitch about it anymore</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: damn</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok new approach</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wanna make out</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: please i know you've had your endlessly rambling mouth on cock, why was that ever eve-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: well um.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *squirms*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i'm a bit frustrated at the moment. so if you want?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: cmon now i know for a fact you cant resist the strider charm</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's canon now, shit.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: um. i'm kinda.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: frustrated in a specific way. wanna-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: *raises eyebrows*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: or just make out. makeouts are fine-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: or naked makeouts. whatever.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: uh wanna smoke some more maybe?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: “makeouts are fine” god egbert</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: whaaaat?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre such a baby</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you're such an ass hole!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yes dave I WANNA MAKE OUT geez!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah yeah take off your clothes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: do it yourself you lazy bastard!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dick</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: not as in</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: take off your dick</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats the opposite of the desired outcome here</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: god youre such a fuckin bastard</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: fine cmere</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: why are we friends?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: just kiss me idiot!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ... &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's pretty good, right?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh my fucking god egbert</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre so lame jesus</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: shut me up.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: loser.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: my pleasure</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: shithead</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i didn't mean SHUT ME UP WITH YOUR DI- yeah ok fine.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: motherfuck didnt you wanna smash??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: didnt you say in a purposefully vague manner that you were frustrated</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeeeeeeees ok? frustrated in the dick way!! way to skip like 10 steps, geez!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: whatever, just help me get my pants off.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but um. be careful maybe?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: it would be lame to end up at the er to cap off the weekend, ok??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: uncool.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yes yes ill be gentle princess</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: how the fuck would we end up at the er</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: how uncoordinated do you think i am??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dont answer that</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: god fucking dammit why is your fly so ridiculous</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: it's THREE BUTTONS what in the fuck-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: how can you be a musician??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: here let me-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: help.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: there.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: good~</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: just don't stab me up all at once, ok?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: and i won't have to bite you.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: stab you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude have you even watched-- ok nvm</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: im not COMPLETELY clueless john i know what im doing</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: here suck my fingers</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: trust me</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: stab me, spear me, plunge the sausage into the roll i don't know!! just-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: those aren't suggestions by the way just examples of-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i mean- mmph!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *sucks*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *PROPERLY*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: they arent? lame</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok egbert be honest here man</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: have you or have you not played with your fire escape before</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: mmh- *pop*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i can't answer you if you don't get your fucking fingers outta my mouth, you fucker!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: n-no.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i mean maybe just like-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: caressing??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: when yanking it and stuff, i dunno.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but that's it!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: and you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wanted to just</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hop onto the butt train</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: not exactly was i was hoping to hop onto.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i cant believe what a bottom bitch you are haha</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: not that im complainin btw im living</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: do bottom bitches clock your jaw when you piss them off??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: *pouts adorably*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: no but they sulk like a toddler when their ma tells them “well buy it on the way back”</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: chill out dude jeez</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: kinda accurate, ew.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: here lie down and hold this</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: if youve paid attention for like five secs in sex ed yknow what that is</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: alternatively: if you look irresponsible enough at a health clinic</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: “apple flavored”- seriously??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: tastiest prop in the market babe</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: cmon smell it</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: eugh you're so gross, god!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: it smells more like cinnamon.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats coz its apple AND cinnamon</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: boom bitch</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: leave it to you to find apple pie sex stuff.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: anyway yeah thats so you dont get anal fissures so thank the apple and silicon gods for that</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: its not as hard as it should be tbh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i wish it was novel but its periculously mainstream</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok do you need more preamble and buttering or should we get to stuffing the turkey</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: are you always smooth as glass-covered concrete with the people you fu- that's a stupid question, nevermind.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah. can you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: go slow please.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: aye aye capn</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: mh~</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i'm. ok.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: by the way “i'm living”??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: were you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: interested?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i dunno man</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i think i didnt expect you to be so</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: welcoming??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: so quick</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: maybe i expected you to resist the gay stuff more and try to go about being like</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: a straight gay</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok can we pretend i didnt say that</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: a straight gay.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: man that's even more pathetic than-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i dunno.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: staying in the closet??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ok let's pretend that didn't got said either.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: point is that's fucking stupid. i don't care about gay or straight or upside down hanging from the ceiling, come on.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i just hadn't</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: processed it for me. i guess.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah i know my face is red, shut the fuck up.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: glad youre aware of it bro</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: so what was dirk your homo awakening</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: actually lets not talk about that</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: does anything hurt</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: holy shit let's absolutely not talk about that!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: look can we just do this?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ah~</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that- feels good, dave-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: f-full, fuck-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: if you feel this is full ive got some bad news for you dude</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: or good</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: probably good taking in consideration your face rn</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: this is like stage 1 of stuffing the cannoli</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you have to get to stage 3 before you can shove it in the oven</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: or something im pretty sure im talking about the wrong dish whatever</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: stage 2 is this-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: aah, ffuck!! mmnh-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: god, you're so big...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: or i'm so small.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: or both. whatever.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: don't call me food things, augh. i don't wanna think about eating things right n- well.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: d-dave-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i like it...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: is it good?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: fuck youre tight</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah its really fucking good</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: is it cool if i move?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah please...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: can i hold on to you?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but yeah please move, fuck.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hell fucking yes please</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ffffffffffffuck john</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre sexy as fuck</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: god-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's dumb, sh-shut up!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wish you could see yourself from here</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: dave, fuck, ahn!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: that's so fucking good, what the fuck-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: please don't stop...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: shit-- no way in hell id stop</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: good~</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: fuck me. come on~</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: damn-- youre so fucking delicious</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: and here we couldve been doing this all al-- oh shit</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: john dude ngl im pretty close</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: hng! d-deeper!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: fuck fuck fuck, don't stop dave!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: aaaw ffff john, christ--</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i-inside please, fff-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit yes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hhhhhhhhhhhffff john--</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: fill me, fuck, aAH!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: god--</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: holy shit--</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: mmmnh...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: s-sorry i bit you...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you did?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh fuck you did</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: pfft no problem dude</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: didnt know youd be a biter</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats kinda hot actually</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: mmhm. &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: starting to think i have a mouth thing.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: don't ask.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ....................</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...that was amazing, dave.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: heh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: always glad to provide the utmost pleasure slash entertainment for all genders and ages</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok that came out wrong</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...no. bad.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: all ages above 18</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: 80+?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ehehehehehehe.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dick</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you too.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: im still inside you i can make you squirm bastard</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: pfffft. you're done for there. i admire the spirit tho.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: thank you. &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: mark me down as un-frustrated.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...i think.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i didnt really take sex 101 but im pretty sure you dont have to thank anyone for unvirginifying you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: at least not if everyones satisfied</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: apparently you also dont apologize jftr</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...you think</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: god, just take the damn compliment.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: good fuck, 10/10.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...yeah i mean-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: maybe there'll be a little frustration leftover later? i dunno.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: still figuring this out, get off my back.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: or my front in this case.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but don't.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...it's nice.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dont you wanna</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yknow</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: clean up</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you kinda look like a glazed donut rn</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: delicious and pornographic but also slightly disquieting</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...dave do you have the munchies?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: maybe</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: want to maybe-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: clean up and get a giant box of cookies i brought and-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i dunno.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: chill here together?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah sure sounds good</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...your bed's comfy, goddammit.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i'm gonna snooze on it.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: heh youre welcome in it anytime</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: wink wink</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...anytime?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: o-ok.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: cool.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude dont make this weird</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you said it!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah and i meant it but like</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: its</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: thats just how it is i mean</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: were friends</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: we can yknow</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: take the edge off every once in a while</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: were still friends right</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: of course, you absolute idiot.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: cool</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ... &lt;3</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: look let's just get cookies and eat them and cuddle like high well-fucked, uh, friends.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: gay</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: who might see each other naked on the side, whatever.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: yeah it's pretty gay, dave.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: heh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ehehehehehe.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: alright imma pull out brace yourself crew</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: goddamn-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: also youre on cookie retrieval duty</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i called shotgun</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but i can't move. i'm too weak.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: soooo limp.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: limp huh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: egbert you know i know youre ticklish like fuck right</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: and i know you are too but pretend you aren't!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: my hands seem to be straying ribwards</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: noooo fuck you!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: no no</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: NO</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ok fuck!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you made me fall out of bed, are you happy??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: do you really want me to answer that</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: fine, i'll do everything useful as always.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: perfect</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i love how that statement has no underlying insinuations whatsoever about your best bro who just gave you the orgasm of your life</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i didn't say it was the b-</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: shut up.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: fine, i'll get the goddamn cookies, your majesty.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: want an aj?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit hell yes john i fucking love you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: no homo tho</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: very homo, dave. very homo.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: just for that i'm wearing your ridiculously oversized shirt as a nightgown.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: too bad i don't have an eye-searing sbahj sleeping cap for the full effect.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...you don't, right??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: *grins*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you are not going to fucking believe this</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you have got to be shitting me.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: custom motherfucking made man</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i take it back 100% and for all eternity. i'm not wearing this thing.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: also. WHY!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: its ironic dude cmon</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: dont you know my character background by now</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: it's not really irony anymore if it's dick-curling ugly.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...maybe it is.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: man you need some gut deep schooling about irony</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: you free this summer</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: actually scratch that what are you doing for next year</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: the same as you, idiot. music.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...it's gonna be dope.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i was trying to make a haha jokes asshat</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: but yeah i cant wait</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: well you suck at it.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: and me either.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: high school is a drag</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: theres like a billion things that dont interest me and apparently those are exactly the ones i need to pass on</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you need a blue streak in your hair to say that. ehehehehe.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: “i hate it here!!”</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: but yeah. it's so lame.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: fuck you</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre the blue dude here</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: all with that twink lookin ass</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: youre halfway into emo already man</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: black hair? check</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hair all plasted on your face? check</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: wanting to kill myself ten times a day because my bff is an idiot? check.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: is that what made you fall in love with me, dave?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: the red vs. blue trope. not my ass.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yes i choose my friends based on color scheme</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i knew it.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i'm the blue guy, it's me.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hex codes before hoes</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: you fucking nerd.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: don't go there.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hehe</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit john</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: where is it??</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: damn</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: it shouldve been here where the hell is it</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: where is what?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: the COOKIES john</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i was promised cookies where</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: are the cookies</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i hate you so much.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: beside this one over here</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: don't eat that, it's been there since i arrived, ew.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: rude</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ok fine, i'm going.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: and you get to see my twink ass when i walk away.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: literally.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah i aint complainin</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: which is why i'm kinda stalling here.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: to show off your ass?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: no, to not flash my ass around your fucking apartment, god.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: oh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: well</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: i can lend you some shorts?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: oh.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ok. cool.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: if you don't mind?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: yeah man hol up</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: here see if this fits</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: why wouldn't it fit, your ass is as skinny as mine. just double the height.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: well, your metaphorical ass. not your actual ass. let's not get into the list thing again.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: word</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: hey theres a new critikal vid wanna watch it when you get back</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: hell yeah. i'll brb.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: and um. dave.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: i disagree, you have a nice ass.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ok i'mgoingbye.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: say that to my face you chicken</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: or to my juicy ass!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ...when i come back. :B</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">JOHN: ... &lt;3</span>
</p>
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